a bunch of lies... or "another load of Baloney"

So Baloney called me the other day and commented that I had not yet responded to her tagging me in a post.  "Oh Joy!" is more or less exactly what I thought, but when I started thinking about what the "tag" was asking me to do it sort of made me giggle - to be honest I've so depressed lately that nothing makes me giggle...

So here's the rub...  because one can learn so much about another person by the things that they make up, my assignment is to create fictional confessions for each of the seven deadly sins...  For the sake of you all knowing me better, here goes...

Pride:

While I am certainly proud of many things I suppose that I am most proud that my life was the inspiration for the story of "Billy Elliott".  The writers took some severe liberties in order to make the story more interesting.  For instance, the location of the story was moved from rural New Jersey to coal-mining England; they added the part about the deceased mother (which I find very moving)...  they also changed my name (both to protect my privacy and because my name has no "ring" whatsoever).  oh, and the stuff about dancing was also added to broaden the appeal.  When I was told that there was talk of taking the story of my life from the big screen to the Broadway stage I was moved to such tears that, well, I'm sure you can imagine...

Sloth:

When I was working and had more money paying for a gym membership was a breeze.  When it became obvious that I needed to work out, I picked up a membership to a great fitness club during one of their "Sales" (which is a club's way of saying "we're not going to charge you for something we shouldn't charge you for in the first place").  I was cautioned (special note:the word "cautioned" uses every vowel) that starting a workout while I was so out of shape could be harmful - I might want to hire someone.  WHAT A GREAT IDEA!  I was making enough money to do that, so I did!  I hired a guy named Philip who trained four times a week.  At first I went to every session; he was really working and my muscles always ached the next day (vicariously, of course).  After a while, and none to few people asking Philip about the fat guy who sat around the gym while he worked out, well it just didn't seem to be having any effect on my body and I wondered if hiring someone to work out for me had been such a good idea after all...

The next two are easy!

Lust:

Carol Channing!

Envy:

I envy people who have children.

Anger:

I just don't get angry - especially when I'm driving... on the highway... or behind school buses... or old people... or... most drivers are just STUPID!!!

Greed:

This is something that no one knows.  I collect Precious Moments figures.  ...really, anything Precious Moments...  those little blonde, wide-eyed children make my heart break so I buy one whenever I see one.  I frequent local garage sales for them, chipped, broken it doesn't matter.  Because I don't want anyone to know I collect them, I throw them under the house into the crawl space.  I've managed to get just the right technique so that if you look into the crawl space you don't see them...  I'm pretty sure I have all the Christmas ones!!!  

Gluttony:

This is the worst of all because I can't think of a lie that tops anything that I have actually done.  But this a great place to plug my new cookbook "Meals for Four that Two can Eat"!

I hope you feel like you know me better now...

-silly