...but this is in a class all by itself...
If "Saturday Night Live" had cast their all-time best comedians to perform a sketch that poked fun at a scheme to combine "Biggest Loser" and "Dancing with the Stars" it wouldn't have come close to being as funny as this was... it takes "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????" to a whole new level.
Sometimes our 15 minutes of fame just ain't worth it...
When I was in college two friends of mine convinced me to do a routine with them, in drag, for a talent show. The whole idea was to dress up like Diana Ross and the Supremes and lip sync "Stop in the Name of Love" - I was to be Diana. I knew that at 5'4, with my football player shoulders, I'd not really make a convincing woman, but, then as now, I really do enjoy making people laugh.
We went downtown to a thrift shop, found a few bridesmaid dresses that had been donated (if you want to make a bridesmaid dress more hideous than it already is just put it on a man)... Mine was a yellow chiffon number that had a drapey thing off the shoulder. I figured I could fling the drape around for added laughs.
Flash forward to the night of the talent show... We were the big surprise opening for Act II and even the other people in the show (you know, the "legit" bands, girls who wrote their own songs and the Biology Prof who always wanted to sing opera) didn't know we were going on... ...so I'm waiting back stage, in a closet, in my yellow dress and horrible wig when the MC checks in on us and says to me, "You know, Diana Ross had great legs and always had a slit in her dress."
One of my cohorts grabs a pair of scissors, kneels beside me and starts snipping... pulling, snipping, pulling, snipping...
"You guys gotta go on..."
Onto the stage we go; my dress is all askew from having the slit cut into the side. In the dark I'm trying to fix my dress as the MC announces the number which will hopefully perk-up an otherwise dud of a talent show. Something doesn't feel right, but I'm not adept at dress wearing... I think I'm good, but then, no, but, OK, but...
Up come the lights.
(my back to the audience, I'm frozen in a pose)
The music starts.
(this is bible college and I begin to question my decision - my knack for questioning decisions is always right on target, it's my timing I need to work on)
The Supremes start the number.
"Stop in the name of love, before you break my heart..."
I convince myself that the dress is fine and the trouble is nerves.
"Baby, baby I'm aware of where you go, each time..."
Diana turns around to begin the first verse. In the light I realize the problem is the slit; the "pulling and snipping" has cut the slit from my left side ankle, across my knee and up to my groin. The audience laughs and cheers as I lip-sync, trying to pull the dress down and twist it so that my tightie-whities aren't on display... but there's choreography... and as I lift my arms the dress rights itself.
I AM COMPLETELY EXPOSED.
I pull the dress down again and twist it trying to do the dance moves with just my hands - having my elbows firmly planted against my sides. This does NOT help, I'm just too wide for the dress and any movement causes it to ride up like a tube top on a hoochie-momma... I twist, reaching over my shoulder for the drapy thing (that is somehow behind me), but this only makes matter worse as I shift in the dress. The audience cheers when I realize the drape is on the OTHER shoulder and grab it to cover my (not-so) privates...
Eventually, the guys in the dorm quit calling me "white tornado", thankfully the photos were deemed "inappropriate" for the Year Book (this was Bible College afterall),
but there was this little chinese man with whom I never spoke, who I never met, who never ever said anything to me, but who would burst into laughter at the sight of me the whole time I was in college...
My hope for you is that, when you look back on the 15 minutes of fame in your life, you don't wish you had just stayed in bed...