Seeking flexible clown for day shift...

You have to love the unclear speech that people have dreamed-up so that they don't offend.  I've gone to class after class after networking group for "the unemployed"  and I can't help laughing at the way people talk.

"You're not unemployed!  You are in transition."

"Um... No, I'm unemployed."

"...but you can't think that way..."

BLANK STARE

You see, if I don't "think that way" I'm very likely to think that a paycheck is going to come from somewhere.  And, when that paycheck doesn't come, I'm reminded (not that I'm in transition) but that I'm unemployed...  So, for the sake of the nay-sayers, I've come to refer to myself as "enumployed" and, if they ask what that means, I explain that it's like being without a job or a paycheck except that you actually are.  Then they leave me alone.

A friend of mine is always at the enUmployment office when I go down there.  It seems that she has found some volunteer work there and spends a good bit of her time helping others work on their resumes, find job leads etc.  Good luck with that.

I ran into her after a class Creative Job Searches - Maximizing Your Interests and Strengths.  She asked for my impression of the class.  I explained that I love to craft and cook and such, but that I really need to make a living.  So if Martha Stewart isn't hiring (does anyone out there know if Martha Stewart is hiring?) I may need to rely on something else.  She remarked that some of the classes are more helpful than others, but you never know where you'll pick up a great idea.  Well, I needed to know...

"So, did you find the class helpful when you took it?"

"Sure, it gave me some things to think about."

     I'm doubtful.

"Like?"

"Avenues to pursue that I hadn't considered..."

      I'm still curious.

"Like?"

"Well, like clowning.  I have been a clown for fun for a while...  and I like Yoga.  I've taken intense yoga classes.  and...  and you never know how these could lead to a new career for me...  you know, if I think creatively."

By this point I'd had enough and promised to call when I had time to grab lunch (because being enumployed has kept me so very busy).

And as I drive home I begin to think creatively about a new job for her.  

Could there be a market for clown yoga? 

         Would you have to come in full dress or just makeup?

You can't really be a clown without the shoes and most yoga is done in bare feet.

         Would classes be held at a gym or at the fair-grounds?

...surely they would be held behind locked doors...

         What about the poses?

How about "downward facing elephant" instead of dog or

pie-in-the-face pose?  

How about the classic crammed-in-a-car pose?

...there could be the sitting on a cactus pose...

and the very difficult squirting-flower pose...

Alas, being neither an accomplished clown nor flexible enough to endure a yoga class I'm not convinced that I could embark on this enterprise that has so completely captivated me, but at least I have a new assurance.

Given my skill set, no job I dream up could be quite as disturbing as clown-yoga...

-silly

Take a card...any card...

Seven months, still unemployed.  Oh well...

It's gotten to the point for me that I'm not not as bothered about being jobless because of all the silliness it seems to dig up for me.  At the local unemployment office (busier than the mall was at Christmas-time) I bumped into a former associate.  There are a good number of stories about her from the office and perhaps I'll tell them at another time.  

She was a veritable plethora of job hunting tips and information (as well she should be as she's been looking for a job four months longer than I have).  She was all about this networking group and that State service and the elevator speech and CARS and PARS (for any of you recently unemployed, well, you'll hear all about these from someone else)...  She chatted (I nodded) for 45 minutes and then she "had to get going".  She asked,

"Do you have a business card?"

"No, the old ones were useless and I still haven't got a job..."

"You have to have a business card.  It's a must."  She produced a card and handed it to me...

"This is mine.  I had it printed for free."

"For free?"

"Yes, there are several on-line businesses that will print your card for free."

I took her card, wasn't all too impressed with the paper quality or font, but opened my wallet to slip it in.

"Oh wait.  Give me that."

"The card?"

"Yes" 

Took the card.  Opened her purse.  Pulled out a pen.

"The number is wrong" She corrected the number on the card...

"And the email address is wrong"  She corrected the email address...

"They were free?"

"Yes, isn't that great?  Call me. Let's have lunch."

Off she went.  Puzzled, I went to my car and wondered (as I drove back home) what could possibly be the purpose of having an online business that produced free business cards with incorrect information...  ...and what the odds were that if sent incorrect info, they could produce a card that had the right number and email address...

Of course I placed an order.  There are just so many people that I would rather not call me, but I'd never refuse them a business card if they asked for one - how rude...

...and after all, they were free!

-silly