Cheaters cheat, Liars lie and Dreamers dream (sometimes with hilarious results) or "It's not what you expect, but just what you want"...

I love to cheat and I love to lie.  

Never for personal gain or to harm anyone, but simply to play that fun little game that people play.  It's not unlike those scenes in the police dramas where the suspect is interrogated while the rest of the drama's cast (because there are no other criminals to catch) stands on the other side of the two-way mirror (or is it one-way?) watching it unfold.  Yeah, that's it really, I love to watch it unfold.

I was a youth minister for a while and always enjoyed working with the kids.  Being somewhat of a misfit myself I enjoyed the kids outside of the circle just as much as I enjoyed the ones that always seemed to shine.  Wiley was one of those kids.  Not quite part of the group, not really an outsider, just a guy with a self image that didn't quite function properly.  He prided himself in the fact that he never won anything and this got old with me really fast...

So, one Friday night the group got together to play some board games.  Out came Monopoly (UGH and Yuck - there is only one way to win at this game) and everyone wanted to play.  Wiley repeated the "I'll lose" mantra.  I explained that I always lose too (did I mention the lying thing?) and that, if paired up, we couldn't possibly lose.  (Flawless)  You see, I knew something that he didn't know...  every game has "givens" and in Monopoly they are:

A)  No one wants to be the banker

B)  No one watches the banker

C)  Players that run out of money lose

D)  The banker has an endless supply of money

So it went like this.

Out came the game.  Teams were picked.  Given A kicked in.  I agreed to be the banker.  

You do the math...

Sadly, when it was all said and done I realized that Wiley had most likely never won a game.  The look of surprise and amazement as we cleaned up the board was fantastic.  LOL...  watching him win and the others lose was more like a controlled experiment than a board game...  and my confession, after the fact, never diminished his win...  (of course, he's in prison now)

Not really...

...and that leads me to thing number 2.  The game of lying.

It's not about deceiving, but about toying with someone in regard to something so outlandish that they shouldn't possibly believe it...  People do it to themselves, I just play along.

So it is that I was having a conversation with a "continuing acquaintance" who has (and rightfully so) categorized me as "a creative type".  It has something to do with my being involved in theatre... so, when I told her that I was thinking of teaching, she asked if I would be teaching drama...  and when I mentioned that I went on an interview (I had an interview last week) she asked if it was for drama.

As an aside, this is enough to make me howl with laughter as one doesn't actually go on an interview "for drama"...   so this is how the lie unfolded...

"Hey."

"Hi."

"How's the job search going?"

"eh, ok, tho I did have an interview this week."

"Great.  Good for you."  Who knows why she didn't stop there...

"Yeah, well, we'll see."

"Was it for drama?"

"It was at an animal shelter."  In her defense, if there is one, I could have started the sentence with "No," but I hadn't thought that was necessary.

"Really?  What kinds of animals?"

"Dogs, cats...  mostly"

"Wow.  Now, have you actually done drama with dogs and cats before?"

(At this point one is not allowed to pause.)

"When I was working on my masters."

"I guess, I'm not certain how that would work."

"Well, you don't actually use a script."

"Of course not.  It's like improvisation?"

"...and choreography..."

"Oh, sure.  Movement and cooperation.  Probably very good for socializing the animals."

"Give me a job that requires a little imagination and I'm a happy man.  It's not really something I ever though I'd be doing."

"...but a dream job for an animal lover.  When do you think you'll hear?"

"Sometime next week."

"Great!  Oh good luck!  Did you see an ad for the job in the paper?"

"Um...  what?"  now I'm laughing.

"How did you find out about the job?"

...still laughing...

"What?"

(No way, right? no way!)

"Ummm..."

"Yeah, it's not really a job for animal welfare creative dramatics."

"Oh.  what's the job?"

"Book keeper."

"Oh" (the disappointment was nearly insulting) "have you ever actually done book keeping?"

"No, but I always end up the banker in Monopoly."

-silly